Evil little monster named Self Doubt

I had made a decision! I was sticking with it, no turning back. But in one afternoon self doubt came crashing down and I was suddenly filled with anxiety and back to square one! I don’t like having things up in the air, if I have an important decision to make I will research obsessively, ask questions of anyone and everyone until I’m sure they try to avoid me since I can’t seem to talk of any other subject, and then make my choice. I will usually stick with it just so I don’t have to agonize over my options again! I was trying to decide whether or not to keep my son in the same alternative school he’s in, find another, or homeschool without the help of any school.

There’s so much I love about his current school, but it does seem to be mostly about socialization, group projects and games, vs academics. I love the community, parent nights, support, resources, but now that I’m part of the homeschooling community, I know I can easily find that elsewhere. And since we’re very involved in our church, the kids go to classes and kids clubs there, so they’re getting plenty of group games, crafts, etc. So all the reasons I originally needed the Alt school are out.

This spring I was finding we were just way too busy, hardly spending any time at home (I don’t know why they call it “home” schooling), partly because I can’t say no to a good field trip, but I’ve been working more, so the few moments we were at home I was trying to catch up on work and housecleaning instead of spending some focused time on learning or even just letting the kids get bored and creative. I think boredom is highly under rated! There’s always a hump to get over where there’s some whining and complaining, but once they realize I am not giving in, not entertaining, not turning on the TV, they begin to get creative and inventive. I might give some ideas or set out some paint or other craft they can do if they want, but it’s amazing what they come up with on their own!

I’ve been mostly okay with no time for focused learning as we’re more the “unschooling” type for now (they’re only 5 and soon to be 2 after all!), but I think that will change as the kids get older and have harder subjects to learn. So after months of research, visiting other schools, agonizing and sleepless nights I came to the conclusion that we’d have more free time without the school and other classes I was interested in would be available to us. I was so relieved to have the decision behind me!

Then we went to the wonderful school carnival.

My son was running around in ecstasy like he owned the place! Do I really want to take him out of here? Away from his friends, favorite teachers, all the fun things we’ll miss?! It took me the rest of that day and almost a full night to return to the same conclusion I had previously come to! I had to go through all the pros and cons over again in my head and strain to remember some of the reasons that were, and still are, so important to me. Remembering some of his best friends will not be returning next year and we see them regularly through a Meetup group (If you’re a local homeschooler looking to connect with others find us at http://www.meetup.com/HomeCruzers/), and many of the fun things the school does I can find other places, or create with other homeschooling families… I’m at peace about it again, and confident that I’m making the best decision for him and our whole family. Now I look back on last week and shake my head for causing all this extra stress for myself in my own little mind for no reason! Self Doubt is an evil little monster!