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| Do you have all your ducks (or plates) in a row? I’m the one just out of the photo that is upside down and cracked! |
I always said I hated schedules.
I end up feeling like a failure! My self esteem goes down the toilet. Why can’t I keep up with everything? It started out so well, what happened?
Something always changes. Or nothing, except myself.
I think most people go through life without really understanding themselves. We compare ourselves to others. Try to be like them. Do what the successful people are doing. And when it doesn’t work, we’ve failed.
Maybe if I had tried harder? Had more motivation or self discipline?
But even if you did, would that make you happy? Drilling yourself day in and day out?
What we need to realize is, of course that person’s schedule didn’t work for you. You are not them! You are you.
I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last ten years.
It took some psychology classes and a bit of counseling for me to figure out some things, others I’ve realized slowly, and some even in a shocking moment of revelation. But one thing I have worked hard on is acceptance.
What does this have to do with sticking to a schedule?
It may sound like I’m just rambling, but I do have a point!
I’ve come to recognize many of my struggles and weaknesses. I also know I have many talents. I’ve learned I thrive in chaos and feel stifled in too much routine. Following someone else’s schedule, goals, or way of life, will never be practical for me.
For instance, (I don’t know why it took 30 years for this revelation) I have only recently realized I frequently go through a manic, driven faze and then a completely tired, useless phase.
I always thought each was just that, a phase, and would end. It does, but then the next phase returns; it’s a continual cycle for me. Maybe I just didn’t want to admit it, or be okay with it?
I, of course, have attempted to follow a set of rules, often not even entirely aware that I’m trying to follow them, of how to live my life:
Get up in the morning, have a productive day, eat three meals a day, clean up after myself (and my family), go to bed at a decent hour so I can start all over again… Keeping a routine should help regulate my sleep, make me feel more rested, be more productive, etc, etc.
I guess all my years of school and the corporate work force instilled this in me. But it’s not me! I have struggled with “what is wrong with me?” for so long! I would try my hardest, but in my manic phase I can’t shut my mind off or get to sleep; I’m itching to go, go, go, ready to take on the world! In my sluggish phase, no matter how much I sleep I’ve had, I feel so tired, incapable of keeping up with the rush of life, work, kids, schedules.. Why am I failing at this?
As I said, it’s taken me years, but I am now comfortable with the way I am.
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| This is more me, beautiful chaos that somehow works! |
Now, when I’m feeling productive, I don’t go to bed at a decent hour because I’m supposed to. I stay up till I’ve gotten a million things done and mind is willing to rest. Often that is around 2am and wondrously, I’m not exhausted in the morning (as long as my kids don’t get me up before 8am, bonus points for homeschool!).
I take full advantage of the time alone at night (I’ve always been a night owl) to write, create with art, plan out my kids schedules for field trips and fun learning activities, clean up what I just couldn’t get to during the day, and anything else that needs to be done. I get so much more accomplished and feel better about myself and my life!
I go overboard and cram as much productivity into this time as possible because I know one day very soon, and I don’t know exactly when it will hit, but you bet, it’s around that time in my womanly cycle… I will be a zombie; dragging myself through the day, unable to form a coherent thought. And it’s not for lack of sleep as I had always thought. It has hit me every month of my life, no matter how early I went to bed and how much sleep I achieved before that time.
Instead of kicking myself, forcing myself to work like a tired mule, being frustrated with myself for lack of motivation, I now revel in that time, too. I slow down. Take care of my body and get the sleep I need. I spend evenings curled up on the couch with my kids reading, rather than fighting a battle inside my head over how much I should be getting done and resenting my own laziness.
I’ve thrown everyone’s else’s schedule out the window that I previously tried to fit myself into.
I try to be okay with my limitations, though it’s often hard. My house may not be as clean as I’d like, I may not get to all the educational activities I wanted to do with my kids. Acceptance is not easy, but letting go is a big step. No one’s life will be ruined if I don’t get to everything today and, chances are, I’ll get to a few extra things another day. Asking for help? That’s a whole other subject; one of my major weaknesses, if you must know.
I do follow a schedule to some extent. My own schedule. It fluctuates with my own needs and the needs of my family. I can relax when I need to now, without feeling guilty. And push myself to over achievement when I have the drive, without nagging at myself that I should go to bed because it’s not normal to be nocturnal!
Whether you have any similarities to my body’s strange clock is irrelevant. What I wanted to convey is:
Listen to your body. To your needs and your family’s. Find what works for you and know that that is okay!
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| No matter how chaotic, there’s beauty to be found. And peace. |
It’s the same way with my kids’ learning. Just because school hours say to get up and begin learning by 8am, that doesn’t mean this is best for everyone. My son does much better in the afternoon most days. So, I wait till that opportune time to try any focused or sit down projects with him.
Listen to yourself and accept your limitations as well as your amazing abilities. Cherish these traits, use them both to your advantage. Pay attention to the differences in your children, your husband, or significant other. My husband is on a completely opposite schedule, so I’m very lucky that he’s so supportive and willing to work through that challenge with me. And it is a challenge.
I hope you really will take the time to follow your natural rhythm, and go easier on yourself. We are our harshest critics. And the so called “successful” people we most often try to emulate are celebrities that have a whole team at their disposal. How could I ever be off track with five nanny’s, a professional chef/nutritionist, personal trainer, personal aides, housekeeper, maids, you name it following after me, telling me what needs doing and taking care of all the loose ends?!
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Happy belated SITSday! I do like schedules and lists, but I often fall off the bandwagon. The problem for me is overscheduling. My husband often tells me to cut my to do list in half and then cut it in half again. Then it will be of a normal and manageable size.
LOL! I do that, too! Some lists take weeks to complete and I have ten more right behind them
Happy SITS Day! I have decided that someone is trying to tell me something. This is the third blog today I read about organizing. LOL…I don't do lists, and I like things a bit willy nilly – makes life interesting right? LOL
Happy SITS Day! I hope it is an amazing one for you!
I am not a schedule person exactly, but I do like to know what I want to accomplish by the day's (or week's) end or I get so overwhelmed and feel like things are caving in on me. Being able to check things off makes me happy. 🙂 LOL I agree, though; we each are a little different and we each have to find out what works for us individually.
That's how I work as well. Not exactly a schedule, but a set of goals for the day or week. And I'll get to them in the best timing I can. Glad you know what works for you!
Hope your having a GREAT SITS Day! I am definitely not a morning person. Never have been. My husband is the total opposite. I too am a homeschool mom so I have the luxury of not having to get up at the crack of dawn. I often give myself a hard time though because I am not fitting into someone else's schedule. I am going to have to work on the acceptance thing.
Happy SITS Day!! Ironically, I just found what works for my family and me this year: a schedule. This is the first school year that I really feel like I found my rhythm and stamina. I'm still tweaking the schedule to fit us, but like you I finally broke out of trying to use someone else's schedule. Congrats on you growths!!! 😀
Happy SITS Day!
There was a time when the pace of my life was insane. I had far too much to do and didn't know how to simplify my schedule. I was in need of some decluttering of my life so I set out to simplify my days.I reduced commitments and became ruthless at saying "no" to the non-essential things. I now guard my time. It was one step at a time.
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Happy SITs Day! So miss living in Santa Cruz! So happy to see some lovely pics from back home. Have a lovely day!
Hope you get to visit once in a while. Love it here and glad I could share a bit of home with you!
I try to find balance and do what I need to (or not need to) each day based on how I'm feeling. For example I don't use an alarm and haven't in years. However, having to work outside the home there are times I have to do things that I may not be in the best situation to do. Great post!
Happy SITS Day!
Visiting from SITS, happy feature day! I was great about having my first child on a schedule, I totally loved it. But I'm still trying to figure out a new schedule since the birth of our second a few months ago. Do what works is my motto, thanks for the inspiration 🙂
Congratulations on your SITS Day. Such interesting points you make here! I have to admit I have always been a night owl, and I have always tended to have my best energy later in the day. I'm also starting to realize I have a breaking point with energy so to speak. I'm go-go-go until I hit a wall. I'm learning more and more to listen that, and instead of beating myself up just slowing down. Happy SITS Day!
Happy SITS Day and thanks for sharing this! I work from home and find that although a schedule does NOT work for me (I'm a bohemian freelance writer), a check list does. I use excel and every time I check something off of my daily to-do list, I get to feel like I accomplished something and that drives the next thing on my list.
I too have found a balance i my life to stabilize the manic and depressive episodes I go through. Balance is important. Finding the right rhythm makes all the difference. Glad it's working for you. Happy SITS Day. Have a blessed day! Great blog.
I found you on SITS! Happy SITS day! I believe this post was meant for me! haha It's hard not to be hard on myself! Self esteem dwindles a little and the feeling of uselessness sets in. I must learn not to compare myself or actions/habits with others. Can't wait to read more of your posts. If you get a chance, follow me at: http://www.meetwithasmile.blogspot.com I'm new to the blogging world, so I'm still trying to figure out what I need to do.
Thanks. Have a good day!
Stephanie
Figuring out what works for me has been a continual process. My life has changed over the years. What works now may not work in five years. That has been an important thing to learn. Just because my life doesn't flow like it used to doesn't mean anything is wrong with me, just that I need to find a new normal for me.
Congratulations on your SITS day. I hope it's a wonderful day for you. I'm glad you're finding a healthy balance for yourself.
Great point! Same here. Life constantly changes and it's important to be flexible, give yourself a break and recognize it's okay to change with it. Even if that means you can't do quite as much, lose as much sleep, or whatever it is.
I love the summer in large part because it fits with my natural schedule – sleeping later and staying up later. I can't do that during the school year, so I try to go to bed earlier so I get the sleep I need. It's not ideal, but it's what I have to do. It is nice that you have the flexibility of home schooling to allow you to adhere to your own natural schedule!
I work from home and find that I have little structure to my day. Ironically, for one of my classes this fall, I have to log what I do with my time every 15 minutes–the school wants students to become more aware of how they spend their time and set up a routine for school work (this is a graduate therapy program). I love having no real structure to my days, but I am actually looking forward to creating more of a routine so I can better balance my family with my school and work. I actually get down on myself because of the lack of structure–that I "should" be accomplishing more. But, the freedom I have during my day has afforded me a sense of being on vacation almost and it's allowed me to take the time to heal after an acrimonious divorce, parental alienation, the loss of friends and family through the divorce process, etc (I've had a lot of loss in my life and the divorce just compounded it). I like the way you honor yourself as well as your kids. Who says you have to abide by what everyone else does? You have the luxury to follow your own path–not everyone does–kudos to you for following your natural rhythms!
Yes, I do have that luxury, but I think there is a way for most to follow their natural rhythm at least to some extent. And mainly, not be so hard on themselves when they can't follow what they think is the norm. Glad you are giving yourself time to heal! I also love having no or little structure, but I do get more done if I have some.
I do find that my "natural schedule" doesn't really fit well into my family's so it is a struggle. I am a night owl and usually get more accomplished then, when there is no interruptions. But my kids have to get up really early for school and one of them I have to drive because he attends private school so i don't get enough sleep. Somehow I have to figure out something else that works for me. I've been doing this for years and now I am finding that I just can't function with as little sleep anymore as I get older. I think I need to find a way to adjust my "natural schedule" somehow. But you are right, you can't make yourself follow a schedule that doesn't work for you. Happy SITS Day!