Blog Every Day in May Challenge- Day 20
Something I’m Struggling with Right Now
Running late here. I really had a hard time thinking up what I wanted to write on this one. Of course I have plenty of struggles, but nothing major and I’m generally happy in life right now, so can’t complain.
I’ve literally been struggling with what in the world I am struggling with! Oh the irony!
Well, the day is more than half over so I will say what I struggle with the most over all.
The biggest struggle for me in my life is confidence.
Or lack of it, to be precise.
I am shy, I don’t have a lot of confidence talking to people (in person). Especially in a large group. I almost always feel like a misfit. I always feel like I just don’t fit in and no one truly understands me. I feel like if I say what I’m truly thinking I’ll be a complete outcast! I’ve always felt this way.
Here are few examples of current groups I try to be a part of, but don’t really fit into:
Modern moms: Often talk is centered around what the latest “experts” say. I think most of those so-called experts are full of crap. Their great advice keeps changing every couple of years and I believe we should just listen to our own instincts.
I take a natural approach as much as possible. you know, breastfeeding, cloth diapers, baby wearing, letting your kid sleep where he’s comfortable (front, back, side, up-side-down, let the kid sleep!), no crying it out; I see nothing wrong with laying with your child for a while to comfort them and make them feel secure. That window of time is so small, it’s not like you’ll still be doing that when they’re teens (we hope)! Read attachment parenting.
Attachment Parenting moms: I’ve found a few that have some similar ways, however, I don’t fit in with the hippee-dippee group that don’t shave, or wear deodorant, and let their kids run completely wild, either. I still use plastic sandwich baggies (though, I wish I didn’t) and I let my kids eat non-organic food, even fish crackers (MSG! Aaaah!!)! I try to feed them healthy food, but I just can’t go to that extreme.
Christian moms: I believe in God and Jesus, but there are a whole lot of things I have a different view about than your cookie-cutter church group. One major one is evolution. Science and Christianity doesn’t have to be separate. I mean God created nature and science, so uses them, right?
Another big one is world religions; there’s truth to every religion based in goodness. God goes by many names. The closest I’ve found to having the same religious views is what Helen Keller believed. The important thing is helping people. I don’t think we need to change people’s culture.
I never cared when I was younger, but once I had kids, I realized I didn’t know what I truly believed. So, I did a lot of soul searching and research. I needed to know what I wanted to teach my kids before they started asking the hard questions!
Wonder what my church friends will think of me now? Maybe they won’t read this?!
Well there are the same groups in homeschooling as above, only they carry over to teaching:
strict curriculum users, un-schoolers (I’m closest here, I think, as we don’t yet use any curriculum and I let my children lead the learning through their interests), Christian curriculum users, there are many others, but these seem to be the most common.
Great, I opened my big mouth; insulted everyone I know. Outcast for sure!
If I offended you, that was not my intention. These are extremely generalized groups and I know there are many, many different kinds of people. I don’t judge what you believe and I don’t think my views are right for everyone, certainly not the only way to be. They are just my own feelings toward parenting or what have you. And they are constantly changing as I learn and grow, myself!
My lack of confidence affects other areas of my life as well, such as my career. I’m an artist and writer and I wonder if I should be putting my work out there at all. Blogging has really helped with my confidence in writing! It’s amazing to me whenever someone comments or when someone I know tells me they enjoyed a post I wrote! Wow! Someone actually read it? And liked it?!
Now I’m having anxiety about pressing the publish button! My lack of confidence is saying, “don’t do it! People will hate you!” But, it’s about time I opened up, so here goes.
Leah Mastilock says
thank you for your comments! Disqus is still updating so they are net yet showing, but I will reply as soon as possible!
Zoe Byrd says
Having the confidence to express opinions in the face of what seems to be overwhelming opposition is so difficult. But really with all anxiety it usually turns out the anticipation of what we think will happen is so much worse than the actual happening. Most of the time we find a few allies who were also hiding. Congrats on another step on the confidence road!
Thank you! We can form our own support group! 😉
Debbie Stieber says
Love your blog Leah, and can totally relate to everything you wrote!
I'm older, and still struggling with most of the same issues. (Hugs)